


A slow learner

by BarelyPolitical



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Age Difference, F/F, Obsessive Behavior, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22478998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarelyPolitical/pseuds/BarelyPolitical
Summary: "She did it again, didn't she?"
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Sansa Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 109





	A slow learner

**Author's Note:**

> Please, read the tags and don't read this if you are easily offended.
> 
> Thank you.

**Sansa**

I wake up on the floor. Again.

My body is sore and I can still taste the now dry blood on my bottom lip. I look at her as I stand up—sleeping peacefully in bed as if nothing had happened, as if she hadn’t hit me and let me sleep on the cold floor—and a part of me wants to take the chance and leave but I don’t.

I never do.

I go to the bathroom and look into the mirror, checking the damage. I have a busted lip and a purple bruise on my right cheek. She usually doesn’t hit me in the face so people can’t see it but lately she’s been less careful… it’s like she doesn’t care anymore.

I would cry if there was any tear left but after spending the whole night crying my eyes out, I doubt anything would come out of my red eyes.

I love her so much. 

I try my best not to get on her nerves, to be the best possible girlfriend, to make her happy. I _literally_ live for her but it’s never enough. I always end up screwing up and making her mad, no wonder she loses control. 

We went to a party at one of her friend’s house last night and I tried my best to look like I actually wanted to be there but the truth is I did not. I didn’t like her friends but I loved her so I would hang with them to please her. I’m always trying to please her.

There was this guy who tried to start a conversation with me. I know how jealous Cersei gets whenever someone talks to me, so I ended that little conversation only a few minutes later. But it was already too late.

I could see in her eyes and by the way she was sending daggers at me that my night wouldn’t end up well. No matter how hard I tried to make it up to her; not leaving her side for the rest of the night and doing everything in my power to please her; she still hit me when we got home.

I often ask myself what I’m doing wrong. Why I can’t make her happy, why everything I do is never enough for her. What else can I do? I already changed so much for her. I changed the way I dress, I changed the color of my hair, I stopped talking to my friends and even my family… and it still wasn’t enough.

“It’s like you fucking enjoy getting me mad!” She would often yell, followed by words like “bitch”, “slut”, “whore” or any other she finds suitable for the occasion. I didn’t enjoy getting her mad, far from that, I did anything in my power not to. My main goal in life is to make her happy but she can’t see it. Or she simply doesn’t care.

“Sansa?” I hear her husky voice calling my name and it sends shivers down my spine. 

“In the bathroom. I’ll take a shower.” I let her know, before turning on the water.

Two minutes in my morning shower, I feel her behind me, her body against mine. She holds me from behind, kissing my neck and saying she loves me. I melt instantly under her touch and smile, turning my head to kiss her. We kiss for a couple seconds and then she caresses my bruised cheek with her thumb, looking right into my eyes.

“You’re so beautiful. I love you so much.” She says, making me smile like a fool.

“I love you too.” 

“I don’t deserve you.” She says in a barely audible whisper and then she holds me tight.

And I love every second of it. I love to feel so loved, like she needs me as much as I need her. And I know that little romantic moment won’t last; I know that soon enough she will find another reason to yell at me and hit me; but I choose to enjoy the moment and not think about anything else.

I spend a long time covering up the bruises. After at least an hour of applying makeup to my bruised and tired face, I look good enough for an Instagram selfie. I’m smiling bright in the photo, the perfect picture of a happy young girl. No one seems to notice the truth behind it. Not my followers, not my friends. No one but my mother.

She sends me a text a few minutes after I publish the picture, after I reject her phone call. ‘She did it again, didn’t she?’ 

I don’t reply her text either. 

Cersei leaves the house, saying she needs to buy something. And it takes her four hours to buy it, whatever it was. Funny thing is she comes home without any bag, but with a rather large hickey instead. She catches me staring at it and asks me what’s wrong and I say it’s nothing. It’s always nothing.

It’s not the first time she cheats on me. I pretend I don’t see it but she knows I know and it doesn’t stop her from doing it again. And somehow, it hurts even more than when she hits me. It hurts so bad to know she’s fucking some other girl. I doubt she puts her hands on her like she does to me. I doubt she makes her feel useless...

But I doubt she tells her she loves her. No. She can fuck this other woman all she wants but her heart is mine. I’m the one she loves, I’m the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

I look at the engagement ring on my finger and smile, remembering the day she proposed. She told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she wanted to spend all of her life by my side. She promised to love me until the end.

“Sansa!” The scream brings me back to reality.

“What?” I ask in a calm tone, looking at her. 

She looks pissed. “Can you stop spacing out all the fucking time? I’ve been talking to you for two minutes and you didn’t even hear me!” 

“I’m sorry.” I lower my head, playing with the ring. 

“Whatever. Did you make lunch?” 

I shake my head no slowly. “I was thinking we could go out and have lunch at that place down—” She cuts me off before I can finish the sentence.

“And have your stupid fans asking for pictures while we’re trying to eat? No, thanks. Just cook something. I’m taking a shower.” And she goes upstairs before I can say anything else.

I sigh deeply. It’s no secret that she hates my job. “It’s not even a real job.” She always says. I’ve been a youtuber for the last five years and have more than 18M subscribers. I make a lot of money and have a lot of fun making those vlogs but it causes a lot of fights between Cersei and I. 

Every time some fan of mine approaches me to ask for a picture, she goes crazy with jealousy. Not to mention she flips over the comments people write on my IG pictures. It’s exhausting.

Not wanting to start a fight, I make some mac and cheese and set the kitchen table for two even though I’m not even hungry anymore. 

“Are you fucking with me?” She asks as she walks into the kitchen.

“What did I do now?” My voice comes out tired.

“Mac and cheese... do I look like a college student to you?”

I look at the food and back at her. “What’s wrong with it? I wanted to make something quick so it would be ready when you finished your shower.”

She glares at me for a few seconds and then she shakes her head. “Useless bitch.” She mumbles, walking out of the kitchen.

And I lose my cool. “Why don’t you ask your side bitch to cook for you?” I scream and I immediately regret it.

Cersei runs to me and grabs my throat, choking me. “You better show me some respect! You spend your days away making those fucking videos while I’m out there working my ass out on my real life job, the least you can do is cook something more than fucking mac and cheese!” 

When she lets go of my throat, I gasp for air, rubbing the soreness away. I’m crying even though I don’t want to. I hate to cry in front of her. 

“Fuck!” She yells, kicking a chair. “You make me do this to you! It’s your fault, it’s your fucking fault!” 

“I’m sorry.” I whisper. 

She doesn’t say anything, she just turns her back to me and leaves. I hear she slamming the front door and fall on my knees, crying and sobbing. I hate myself for making her mad. And I hate myself for needing her so bad, for loving her so much. 

What am I doing with my life?

I pull out my phone and after just staring at it for several minutes, I finally make the call I should have done sooner.

“Mum,” I say as soon as she answers the call. “I need your help.”

* * *

“I’ll fucking kill her!” Arya’s sudden yell makes me jump on my seat.

“Arya, calm down.” My mother says, hugging me to her chest as I try to stop the tears from rolling down my face.

“How do you expect me to calm down? She hits her, mum! She fucking choked her!” My sister is pacing the living room and throwing her hands up in the air. I’ve never seen her this mad.

My father is sitting on his armchair, he’s not saying anything but he looks like he’s about to burst, as well as my brother Robb. Robb has his arms crossed over his chest, his jaw as tight as it can be. And I know if Jon was here, he would look just like Robb does right now.

“How long has this been going on, Sansa?” My father asks, opening his mouth for the first time since I got here.

Longer than I’d like to admit. It’s been over a year since she hit me for the first time, my father never knew about it, nor did my siblings. My mother is the only one who knows this is not the first time. When I told her about it, I asked her not to tell anyone. I guess she knew I wouldn’t forgive her if she did, so she granted my wish. It’s not like she could help me when I myself didn’t want her help. 

“Ned, let her calm down first. Please.” My mum tells my father.

He sighs deeply, standing up. “Robb, Arya, come on let’s go.” 

I look up when I hear them walking to the door. “Where are you guys going?” I panic, thinking they’re going after Cersei. “Please, don’t hurt her.” 

“Seriously, Sansa?” Arya frowns, shaking her head.

“Don’t do anything to her, I’ll never forgive you if you do! Dad…” I wipe the tears away, standing up to face my dad.

“Calm down, Sansa. We’re not going to do anything to her, we’re just going to gather up your things. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go back to that place.” 

“What do you mean we’re not doing anything to her? The hell I’m not!” Arya says, grabbing the handle to open the door but our father stops her.

“Arya, we’re going there to get your sister’s stuff, that’s all. If you can’t control yourself, you stay here.” My father’s tone is serious and Arya looks like she’s going to say something but she doesn’t. “Good. Sansa, give me the keys.”

I want to tell him no. I want to say I don’t wanna leave my place, that I don’t wanna leave Cersei… but I know I must. I asked them for help, now I must let them help me. I need to end it. 

I search into my bag and hand the keys to my father, before hugging him. He holds me just like he used to do when I was a kid and kisses the top of my head.

“We’re here for you, sweetie. Everything is going to be alright. You’re going to be ok.”

  
  


* * *

**Cersei**

  
  


“I don’t know why I keep doing this, Jaime… I love her, I really do. I don’t know why I do this. Fuck!” I run my hands through my hair, sinking down my twin brother’s couch. 

“You have a funny way of showing her your love, sis.” He spits, flashing me that look of disapproval.

“I’m fucked up, yeah I know that! “ I sigh deeply. “It’s father’s fault. He fucked me up.”

“You’re a grown ass woman, Cersei. Stop blaming others for your mistakes! Yes, father was a piece of shit and gave us a hard time but that’s no excuse for what you’re doing. Look at me, look at Tyrion, dad fucked us up just as much; damn Tyrion had it even worse than us; and none of us beat up our wives.” He’s almost screaming now.

I look at him with my best sarcastic smile. “Sure, none of you beat up your women. You just fuck men behind your wife’s back and Tyrion is a bitter alcoholic who’s a regular at that brothel downtown. But sure just keep giving me moral lessons, brother.” 

I stand up and grab my keys and phone, leaving his house. I need to go back home and apologize to Sansa and this time; it has to be a sincere apology. I can’t keep doing this anymore, maybe I can get help. Therapy or something. Anything that will help me control my anger before I lose her.

  
  


* * *

**Ned**

  
  


Robb, Arya and I arrive Sansa’s place to gather her stuff and I thank God Cersei is not there. As much as I made Arya and Robb both promise they wouldn’t touch her, truth is I myself was dying to break her nose for what she did to my little girl. 

It broke my heart to see my daughter like that and all I wanted to do was to take my anger out on the woman who caused her pain. But I wouldn’t do that, I wouldn’t step as low as she did. I would just keep her away from Sansa and protect my daughter from her. Our whole family would be there for her and hopefully she’d get better soon. 

We are about to finish when I hear the door being opened and Cersei walks inside the house. I send her a look of pure despise. I never liked her but now I just hate her. I can see the confused look on her face as Arya and Robb join me in the living room, both carrying suitcases.

“What’s the meaning of this?” She asks looking from the cases to me.

Arya lets go of the suitcase and starts to run her way but I stop her by grabbing her by the waist. “Arya, stop!”

“Let go, dad! I’ll break this bitch’s face!” She yells, kicking and struggling to get out of my grip. 

“I’d like to see you trying.” Cersei says and I send her a dirty look.

“Shut up! Trust me, you don’t want me to let go of her!” I stand in front of Arya, holding her shoulders and looking into her eyes. “Arya, calm down. She’s not worth it.” 

“Dad is right, Arya.” Robb says, looking at Cersei the whole time. “She’s not worth it.” He touches his sister’s back. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” 

Arya finally calms down and nods. I let go of her and give the other case to Robb, telling them to wait for me outside. They glare at Cersei as they pass by her but don’t say anything. Once we’re alone, she looks at me waiting for me to say something as she certainly knows what’s happening by now. 

“I want you to listen to me carefully: Stay away from my daughter. I don’t want you going after her, I don’t want you calling her… You’ll leave her alone if you know what’s best for you.” I try to stay as calm as I can as I speak.

“Did you ask her if she wants me to stay away from her? Because I don’t think she does.” That sarcastic little smile on her face is getting on my nerves but I don’t let her see that.

“My daughter called us this afternoon, asking for help.” I swallow, trying to make the lump in my throat disappear. “I know this answers your question.” I take a few steps forward, facing her. “I won’t let you hurt her ever again.” I say and walk past her to leave.

“I love her.” She says, before I can open the door. “I screwed up, I know but I love her, she’s the only good thing in my life.” She sniffs.

“That may works with Sansa but it won’t work with me, Cersei. You don’t beat up someone you love, you don’t let them sleep on the floor like a dog, you don’t threaten them, you don’t cheat on them, you don’t choke them!” I finally lose my cool. “You’re lucky she won’t present charges against you, nothing would make me happier than arresting your sorry ass.” 

And I leave before she can say anything else.

  
  


* * *

**Sansa**

  
  


Cersei calls me up several times that day, she also sends me lots of texts messages but I don’t reply them. She says she’s sorry, that she didn’t mean it. She says she’ll get help and that she will change for me. She begs for me to give her another chance and answer her calls. And there is nothing I want more but I stay strong and end up turning off my phone, making it easier to ignore her.

The engagement ring on my finger seems to laugh at me everytime I look at it. Like it’s silently mocking me for being such an idiot and believing I’d get my fairy tale end. 

_Stupid little girl with stupid dreams who never learns_.

I take off the offending ring and throw it to the floor carelessly. And then I start crying —once again— and I lay on a fetus position on my childhood bed, holding myself while I cry my eyes out. I want to scream, I want to break a couple things, I want to let out all my frustration and hurt. I hold a pillow and scream on it to muffle the sound. I scream loud, so loud my mother hears it even though my face is buried on the soft pillow.

“Sansa…” She runs to me and holds me. “Sweetie, please you need to calm down.” She says, pulling my hair from my face. 

But I don’t want her hugs, there is only one person I need to hold me in that moment and it’s not my mother. So I push her off. “Don’t touch me. Leave me alone, please.” I say in a broken voice.

“I’m not leaving your side. I’m here for you, sweetheart. I’m here for you.” She hugs me tighter, kissing the top of my head. 

I throw the pillow to the floor and sit up on the bed to escape her embrace. “I don’t want you here, I want Cersei! I need her!” My willpower was starting to running low and all I wanted was to go home to Cersei. 

“No, Sansa. No, you don’t need her. Listen to me,” My mother holds my face, making me face her. “you don’t need her.” She says in a serious tone.

“But I do.” I whine. “I need her, mum. I want to go home.” At this point, I couldn’t stop crying. 

“You _are_ home.” I can swear my mother has tears in her eyes but I couldn’t tell for sure since my vision is pretty blurred. “You asked for help, now you must let me help you. Me, your father and your siblings are here for you and we will do everything on our power to help you get through this, ok? But you must be strong, Sansa. I know you love her but you know she’s not good for you. And I know it hurts but it will get better, sweetie. I promise you, it will get better.”

I break down at my mother’s words and throw myself at her arms to be held by her. She is right, I know that but it hurts so much. I didn’t think it would hurt this bad but I had my family, a lovely family who were there to help me get through this bad while and I’m truly thankful for that.

“I’m sorry, mum. I’m so sorry.” I cry, holding her.

“Shhh, it’s ok, sweetie. Mum is here. Everything is gonna be alright.”

  
  


**2 weeks later**

I put the grocery bags in the backseat of my car and close the door. It’s the first time in two weeks that I leave my parents’ house, even though it was just to run some errands. My mother didn’t want me to go alone but I ended up convincing her, I needed some time to myself. I was feeling trapped inside those four walls and although my family’s company and support was very welcome, I really needed to be away from them for a while. 

I’m about to get in the car when I feel someone holding my wrist. “Sansa.” Cersei’s voice makes my blood run cold and my heart beat faster. “I need to talk to you.”

I turn around slowly, facing her. She looks tired, like she hadn’t had any sleep in weeks. Her eyes are lifeless and she has bed hair. I can’t help but feeling bad for her, even though I know I shouldn’t. I should just get in the car and leave before she could say anything else but…

“I miss you, baby.” She says, getting closer. Her voice sounds so broken. She rests her forehead on mine and I can feel her breath hitting my lips. “I miss you so bad.” And before I know it, she’s kissing me. And I’m kissing her back. “Please, come home.” She begs, staring into my eyes. “Come home, babygirl.” She kisses all over my face. “Please, come back home. I miss you so much.”

I feel hot tears filling up my eyes at her words. I can’t even remember the last time she talked to me like that, in such a lovingly way, calling me ‘babygirl’. And all I want is to throw myself at her arms and let her take me home, but I had to try and stay strong. 

“Cersei, no. I can’t…” I try to sound convincing but I fail, so I look away.

“Of course you can. Baby, look at me.” She holds my face in both hands, making me face her. “You are free to make your own decisions, just because they say you must stay away from me it doesn’t mean you have to.” 

I bite my lip, unsure of what to say. I want to tell her to take me home. Badly. But I know I shouldn’t, I really shouldn't. But… 

“Sansa, it’s gonna be different this time. I swear to you it’s gonna be different, baby. I’ve been going to therapy these past weeks and I’m getting better, there’s still a lot of work to do but I’m getting there.” She sounds so honest and I really want to believe her. “I want to be better for you because I love you. I love you so fucking much, darling. So fucking much. And I’m so sorry for… everything.” She has tears in her green eyes and I’m two seconds away from giving in.

“You won’t lay a hand on me again?” I ask in my smallest voice.

She shakes her head. “Never, baby. Never again.”

“And you won’t cheat on me anymore?” At this point, my voice breaks and the tears run down my face.

She wipes away my tears with her thumbs, looking right into my eyes. “I promise you I will never cheat on you ever again. You’re the only woman for me, the only one.” She kisses my lips softly and I’m about to tell her I’ll go home with her when I hear my father’s voice.

“Get away from her, Cersei!” I look at my father, who’s wearing his police uniform and palming his gun although I know for sure he won’t take it out. He’s just trying to intimidate her and make her go away.

Cersei rolls her eyes and turns her head to face my father. “We’re just talking… officer.” She says the last part as sarcastically as she can.

“You have ten seconds to get in your car and get out of here.” My father says in his best authoritarian voice, stopping right in front of her. 

Cersei glares at him and she’s about to say something but I cut her off. “She was leaving, dad. There’s no need for this.” Cersei looks at me but I keep looking at my father. “Can you give us a minute,” When I see he won’t move, I sigh. “please.”

He stares at me for a while and then he sighs, giving up. “One minute.” He says, pointing his finger at Cersei who rolls her eyes.

“Stop treating me like a sued criminal!” She tells him. “I might as well sue _you_ for abuse of power!” 

“Cersei, please!” I raise my voice to make her shut up, last thing I want is for my dad to take her to the police station for disregard for authority. 

She nods slowly to me and my father finally take a few steps back. “You can still come with me, Sansa. He can’t forbid you.” 

I nod. “I know… but I can’t do this right now.” She frowns a little, looking at me with a confused face. “I need to talk to them first, they went through a lot of trouble for me, I can’t just leave without a word.”

“But… they’ll make you change your mind. You know they hate me.” 

I look into her eyes. “Is everything you promised me true?”

She nods immediately. “Of course it is.”

I smile a little at her. “Then nothing they can say can keep me away from you.”

She smiles and nods, stroking both my cheeks with her thumbs. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I take her hands away from my face, although I really want to kiss her, I wouldn’t do that in front of my dad. “I’ll come back home tomorrow.” Her smile gets bigger at these words. “Please get some sleep and eat.”

She nods, still smiling. “I will, now there I know you’re coming back, I can finally sleep.” She kisses the back of both of my hands and then she takes a few steps back. “I’ll see you tomorrow, babygirl.” And with a last smile, she gets in her car and drives off.

  
  


* * *

As to be expected, my family went crazy when I told them I was going back home. My father said he wouldn’t let me leave even if he had to lock me up in my room. Arya called me “retarded” and said if Cersei hit me again, she would hit me even harder. Robb just shook his head all the time, with a disappointed look on his face. And my mother cried. 

It broke my heart to see my mom crying and I cried along with her, trying to make her believe me when I told her Cersei had changed and wouldn’t hurt me ever again. My mother didn’t say a word, she just cried a lot and it made me feel guilty and I almost went back on my decision. Almost.

I barely have any sleep at night and wake up very early in the morning, trying to dodge them. And for a moment, I believe I did but just when I’m about to open the door; I hear my mother’s voice.

“When she beats you up again, or when she chokes you again…” Her voice sounds broken and tired and I can easily tell she spent the whole night in the chair and didn’t get any sleep. “because she _will_ , please call me. Don’t hesitate, don’t be ashamed. Just grab your phone and call your mother. Remember you have a family who loves you and who will always be here, no matter what. Promise me you will do that, Sansa.” 

I fight back my tears and swallow to get rid of the lump in my throat and I try to smile. “She won’t... I’ll be ok.” She doesn’t say anything, she just closes her eyes and shakes her head a little. “I love you, mum.” 

And when I’m outside, about to close the door after me, I hear she saying: “I love you, sweetie.”


End file.
